Stevieslaw: Dear John Q. Public
Hi John Q:
Well I’m off on my seven week paid vacation. I’m afraid that once again my colleagues and I got almost nothing done. But why pretend that you care? We will patch together something or other to keep things running when we get back. You won’t notice.
It’s not a real vacation anyway—I take those on the job. I will be spending the next few weeks getting myself reappointed—reelected we still call it, though I can’t imagine why. We’ve rigged the system and most of you don’t vote. I will be everywhere—shaking hands, kissing babies and talking, always talking. Don’t worry that I might overexert—talking is the one thing I do really well.
So come see me in Podunk this month or next. I will be at the local high school. The Civics club will have refreshments—lemonade and chocolate chip cookies, I imagine—so you can munch and sip while I tell you, and tell you, and tell you how tirelessly I have been pursuing your interests. And you will listen raptly, shake your empty heads and decide that while all the others in Congress are scalawags and snake oil salesmen, your Congressman—thank the lord, is the salt of the earth.