Stevieslaw: Democrats Defy NRA
Smokey Diamond, our intrepid reporter, has learned that liberal Democrats plan to introduce legislation that will change the nature of assault weapon ownership and use in America forever.
Spokesperson, Ima Cooked, said “The bill we are bringing to Congress today will require that anyone purchasing an assault weapon or assault weapon ammunition affirm, in a signed affidavit, never to mow down anyone with insufficient health insurance coverage. “Otherwise,” continued Cooked, “The cost to American hospitals could be staggering.”
“Nonsense,” says NRA spokesperson, Asck Lter. “First, the bill contradicts the specific wording of the Second Amendment concerning assault weapons, so it is unconstitutional.” “And second, hospitals are only required to stabilize gunshot wound victims.” “They are not responsible for the expense of subsequent rehabilitation and mitigation of pain and suffering.” “American hospitals are not at risk,” he concluded.
In a related story, University Gamers announced that they will issue a new board game entitled, “Who is the Victim?” Their press release described the new game as “challenging for many American adults.”