Somebody Help Me

Stevieslaw: Somebody Help Me
I woke a week ago Monday to find three representatives from Americans for Prosperity; the superpac formed by the billionaire Koch brothers, in my living room. They had somehow learned that I was a registered independent voter in the swing state of Pennsylvania. “We are nearly neighbors,” they said, hoping I knew so little geography that I wouldn’t recognize that Wisconsin is not next door.
Now, every time I walk into my living room, one of the three gives me a 50 second spiel on why Obama is bad for America. Yesterday, I got the spiel three times while I was shaving in my upstairs bathroom. Now, I have 30 sheets of toilet paper stuck to my face, in an attempt to staunch the bleeding. What’s worse is they are apparently planning to stay until after the November election.
I tried to convince them that it would make more sense to spend 50 million dollars or so bribing people to vote their way. I suggested that they offer a $10 coupon, redeemable at Chik-Fil-A restaurants, for a vote for Romney, but they reminded me that those people are already in their camp.
When I suggest they leave—which I do often, they mumble a few words about corporations, people and first amendment rights. Inevitably, though, their talk turns to their second amendment rights. You know, the ones that Obama will personally take away.
What’s worse, when I looked out my front window this morning, I saw an American Crossroads truck parked right outside. I’m pretty sure I spotted Karl Rove in the driver’s seat. Ninety two more days of this? Somebody help me.