Santorum to Ban "Jockey Shorts"

Posted on February 23, 2012 by stevieslaw
Stevieslaw: Santorum to ban “Jockey Shorts.”
Super-principled Rick Santorum, vowed yesterday to lead the fight to ban so-called “jockey shorts” as his first order of business after he ascends to the Presidency. Ican T. Ellyou, spokesperson for the Rickster, explained carefully that prioritizing issues like “jockey shorts” on the National agenda is clearly what distinguishes true conservatives from phonies like Romney, Gingrich and Paul. “Many scientific studies have concluded that the wearing of jockey shorts instead of boxers reduces male fertility,” said Ican, “and we cannot have that.” “Contraception by any means—what we are terming pre-abortion—is an abomination and Rick—once anointed—will put a stop to it.”