Republican Ready to Compromise on Taxes

Charles Babbington, writing for the Associated Press, reported today that Republicans might be willing to let the temporary reduction in payroll tax—that most helps the working poor—expire as planned. Astounding—some might even call that a tax increase. Now, Smokey Diamond, our intrepid reporter, has learned that other compromises on taxes are also possible, as the kinder and gentler Republicans look to the 2012 elections.

Ivan Kisantell, spokesperson for the Republican Tax Initiative Committee, says that his group will propose some major changes to the tax code as part of the group of twelve recommendations. “We are looking for a zero net tax increase that balances the needs of the “job users” against those of the “job producers,” he said. Our approach is based on the philosophy of Ronald Regan (please stand and become silent), who might have said in his ketchup is a vegetable speech, “anything that helps the producers will eventually help the users.” “In the spirit of Regan, we will propose a large reduction in the Earned Income Tax Credit for low and moderate income users.” “The money that we save will then be redirected to further tax reductions for families earning more than $200,000.” “In this way, we help producers immediately and the users when we get around to it,” he continued. “It’s win, win.”

When Smokey pointed out that this was exactly counter to everything Obama had promised of his presidency and that he wouldn’t stand for it, Ivan smiled the smile of a true believer.

“Sure he will,” he argued, “Sooner or later, he agrees to everything we propose.” “He is really best at compromising with himself.” “It’s a real talent, he concluded.