Republican Candidates Propose to Increase National Debt

David Lightman, of McClatchy Newspapers, reports today on Mitt Romney’s just announced economic plan to increase the Federal deficit by trillions over the next decade. Romney’s plan, much like the plans of Santorum and Gingrich, would increase the Federal deficit by cutting the heart out of each and every entitlement program aimed at helping people who can not qualify for employment with firms like Bain Capital. A list of the deadbeats to be defunded includes the old, the young, the infirm, the still healthy, veterans, women, and those who are “barely citizens.”
Self-acclaimed Tea Party spokesman, just-plain-Joe, welcomed the plan, saying, “Although it does not decrease the deficit—which was always a smokescreen, it will make sure that “they” will not be getting a single dollar of my hard earned money. Republicans were also jubilant. A spokesperson for Eric “the knife” Kantor praised the effort by Romney, Santorum and Gingrich to increase the deficit and defund the masses without the need for an unfunded war in a country no one can find on a map. “Their reasoning is breathtaking,” he stammered.
The only candidate proposing a plan to actually reduce the deficit, aside from President Obama, was Ron Paul. The linchpin of the Paul plan is, apparently, to stop printing any more money, so that the amount of cash in the nation will fall to zero with time as the paper money wears out. “We can do this whole thing by attrition,” said Paul, carelessly tossing away a well worn ten dollar bill.