Stevieslaw: Somebody Help Me
I woke a week ago Monday to find three representatives from Americans for Prosperity; the superpac formed by the billionaire Koch brothers, in my living room. They had somehow learned that I was a registered independent voter in the swing state of Pennsylvania. “We are nearly neighbors,” they said, hoping I knew so little geography that I wouldn’t recognize that Wisconsin is not next door.
Now, every time I walk into my living room, one of the three gives me a 50 second spiel on why Obama is bad for America. Yesterday, I got the spiel three times while I was shaving in my upstairs bathroom. Now, I have 30 sheets of toilet paper stuck to my face, in an attempt to staunch the bleeding. What’s worse is they are apparently planning to stay until after the November election.
I tried to convince them that it would make more sense to spend 50 million dollars or so bribing people to vote their way. I suggested that they offer a $10 coupon, redeemable at Chik-Fil-A restaurants, for a vote for Romney, but they reminded me that those people are already in their camp.
When I suggest they leave—which I do often, they mumble a few words about corporations, people and first amendment rights.
Stevieslaw: Mitt no More
“You won’t have Mitt to kick around anymore,” opined Smokey Diamond, our ace reporter. “The word on the street is he is changing his name from Mitt to Franklin Delano Romney.”
We turned on the TV just in time to catch the end of the ceremony on Fair and Balanced. Franklin Delano Romney waxed eloquently on just what Roosevelt and the New Deal had meant to him when he was growing up in a cold-water flat in Toledo, Ohio. After, he hugged Bernie Sanders, the left leaning Senator from Vermont, and said Bernie was his “new best bud.”
Paul Ryan, who is apparently still severely conservative would only say, “I will be at the gym.” “I will be pounding things at the gym--- pounding them bloody, for the next few weeks.”