I was in court this morning as a character witness for Myron, my hotheaded, redheaded, wealthy and brilliant cousin. I sat in the back of the court and read our local newspaper, The Centre Daily Times, while waiting for Myron’s case to come up. The CDT often, and I think accidently, puts two articles or opinions together that are made for each other. Today on their opinion page they had an editorial on the end of the American Dream, about young people unable to get decent jobs, and one on taxing the super-rich, by imposing a yearly 2% wealth tax on the 0.5 percent of Americans with assets of over 7.2 million dollars.
As it turns out, Myron was in court because of one of the super-rich, our cousin Alvin. Alvin likes to parade his great wealth and, by default, his great intelligence before us at our monthly cousin’s club. His son Stephan, the congressional candidate, is even worse. Myron likes to point out, and I think with some cause that Stephan’s claim to fame, before the congressional race, was his ability to pick both nostrils, cross-handed, simultaneously.
It started as a simple discussion about taxes. Myron feels that taxing the rich through income, capital gains, and percent of wealth is reasonable and more than reasonable now during an economic downturn. Alvin thinks that paying taxes is for saps like Myron.

Marc Levy of the Associated Press reports in our local newspaper, the CDT, that 1 in 5 of the bridges and 1 in 5 highway miles in Pennsylvania are in need of repair. Infrastructure funding has been inadequate under Republican and Democratic administrations but is a particular problem for the current bunch—starring Tom Corbett—that believe all taxes are bad and that government cannot create jobs even when they create jobs.
Fortunately, there is another way—The Back to Basics Movement— that is currently sweeping the nation. BBM will start to offer classes in most cities across the US this fall. For example, Smokey Diamond is signed up for, “Use What Nature Gives You,” a course that teaches you to find and use the natural fords that traverse our abundant waterways, while I am signed up for “Herbal Medicine,” an essential course for those of you stuck with prescriptions for drugs the Pharmaceutical Industry no longer finds profitable to manufacture. I’m told that hundreds of courses, which will adequately prepare us to go back to the glory days of the 1700’s—when men were men and women (and some men) were property, will be offered.
I will see you in class (if the road holds up).

Catherine Tsal, writing for AP, reported today that an unnamed Halliburton Corporate Executive took a sip of their new fracking liquid when summoned to the podium by CEO Dave Lesar, during an industry meeting. The sip was supposed to prove that the liquid, to be used in enormous quantities in fracking to produce natural gas, was quite benign.
At Stevieslaw, we find ourselves less concerned with whether or not this test was meaningful than with the persistent rumor that Dick Cheney, upon assuming the mantle of Halliburton in 1995, took a sip of rhamnolipid—a specific biosurfactant used to enhance the recovery of oil from wells. We are not saying that Halliburton is using their fracking liquid to create yet another “Frankenstein” monster just on the basis of a long standing rumor, but we would like to know the name of the executive who took the sip and how many other Halliburton employees are using.
Experience suggests that when dealing with Halliburton, you and I cannot be too careful.

Latest opinion polls suggest like 6.2% of the population approves of the performance of the current legislators. Most pollsters will tell you that the percent of people who do not understand even the simplest questions is roughly 6.3%. Those people invariably answer yes, as they believe it makes them seem more likeable.
At Stevieslaw, we have learned that our elected officials are preparing a bold stroke to turn those numbers around. Congress will soon announce that Sunday, August 21th, is to be declared “Celebrate Those Who Legislate Day.” Legislators will provide hot dogs and lemonade for the masses at churches, county fairs, and stadiums using money recently cut from social programs. At some locations, flag pins may be available. The highlight of the day will no doubt be the stump speeches, delivered by each of the representatives, in which they will focus on their sincere and unique love for America. In fact, it is likely that sincerity will ooze from their very pores.
We are pumped and we believe our friends and neighbors will be as well. What a great way to unify the country, to bring smiles to the faces of the populace and to stimulate the economy. Smokey Diamond has a already bought two dozen eggs, a dozen large heirloom tomatoes and a “YOU SUCK BIG TIME,” sign in bright purple.

With the two competing bills in Congress designed to end the “Great Default Debacle” doomed to failure even if one passes the House and the other the Senate, we, at Stevieslaw, are forced to ask the only sensible question: Can the media make these votes even remotely interesting? Both cable and network TV are planning to cover the voting with hordes of talking heads and the screen pyrotechnics left over from the 2008 presidential election. Even the print media has stopped printing multi-column personality analyses of that raving maniac in Norway to concentrate on what is sure to be a completely meaningless vote. If you watch, you can be sure that when Joe Smith from Wyoming votes for or against one or the other of these useless bills you will see his smiling face against a map of his great state along with the latest public opinion polls, which will provide you with great detail about what an uninformed public is thinking—some of which may even vaguely related to the issue at hand.
Smokey Diamond, our intrepid reporter and statistics whizz, will be compiling the truly important figures instead. He will monitor the ratings of the TV news shows, in nearly real time, by logging on to ratingsblog.com, to see who is winning or losing the battle. Early money is on Fox.